• Bonnie Jean-Louis

How to achieve family/work balance? Comment atteindre un équilibre familial ?

Mis à jour : 16 août 2019


To find mental health in between the balance of family obligations, work schedules and community... is still a mystery to me.


Until our society recognizes The Mom Job for what its worth, either through better paid postpartum support systems, convenient and adequate childcare services or basic income guarantee, will we be able to appreciate what the stay-at-home parent does?


En famille, sur l'île du Chenail...

Life in our modern, industrialized, western, individualized, digital and over stressful society is completely contributing to the feelings of exhaustion and isolation that most mom’s-mothers-parents end up experiencing in what was supposed to be one of the most promising and instinctive fulfilling human job there is on Earth…


At a time when we have all the information and a social life possible at our fingertip, we end up having to do too much with less time, and with less help… Often all alone…


Either going through medical interventions, and possible miscarriages, that are not well supported mentally and intellectually, as most mothers report they would have preferred more information, resources, access to professional help, OR having the pregnancy and birth you dreamed about, more than half of new parents report either being traumatized by one experience or another, a quarter of moms and a tenth of dads end up feeling postpartum depression which can lead to a hard start for any family, without mentioning that suicide after birth, is the most prevailing cause of death for postpartum mothers in the United States and Canada.


Just a few decades ago, it was still expected and appreciated that a Mother heal after giving birth and take care of young ones as managing a household was a full time job in itself…

In just a half of a century, after feminist groups tried to fight to get this job and work load recognized as a worthwhile position in society demanding they get an income for such a life investment, rather than feel that they were taken advantage of, if not feeling like slaves to their own families, most women feel it is essential for them, once they are mothers, ‘to get back on their feet’ as quickly as possible and be a revenue generating member of society once again, without much thought or (maybe-sometimes) too much thought, about who will do and accomplish the much needed ‘’Mom Jobs’’…


Yes, we got liberated in one way, and have gained some choices about our lives and our bodies, as women today… But have we really gotten closer to equality?


When we discuss the civic rights movements, do we see black people demand equality by becoming white? When we see the LGBTQ+ community stand for respect and equal rights, do they do it by becoming heterosexual?


Why on Earth, did feminists fight for equality by proposing that they can do any men’s job AND their women’s job, at the same time???


It is great that my daughter will be able to be whoever she chooses to be in the future! I reinforce my son, to learn about equality of access and chances between him and his sister, or other females in his life…


But, I also wish that both of them will be able to choose to become parents on e day, and undertake this beautiful journey as a transformative experience, as much as any schooling, career, job, could be… Learning, feeling respected, nourishing the mind, body and soul, evolving, becoming new people is a must for every parent who brings a child into this world.

Unfortunately, when we feel depleted, overwhelmed, stressed, overworked, depressed or challenged in any way, we cannot become the best of ourselves!


Therefore, having to care for ourselves, our loved ones, our homes and then also balance a work environment, obligations, boss demands, expectations and schedules, that are not always acknowledging family obligations, EVERYTHING becomes an opportunity for negative experiences, failures and moments that can be, the root cause of so many of societies problems, unnecessary evils…


What if, so many of today’s issues, dis-eases, fears, insecurities, stressors could be dealt with, before it starts?


What if, expecting mom’s would get the time to prepare to become mothers as much as all students get years of schooling to become active members of our capitalist system?

What if birthing now beings could be an empowering experience, which ever way it ends up being?


What if, new parents could be supported like we used too, in the old days???

There’s a complete new field in medicine, that’s making its way to mainstream health and prevention which is called Functional Medicine… Why not look into what a Functional transitioning into Motherhood and Parenting could do?!


To Optimize our baby’s successes, we need to address the pre-birth time-off to permit the women’s body to concentrate on what her life is becoming. Giving birth to a new being, isn’t only a biological thing. Nourishing the next generations, if we look at breastfeeding success rates, is in absolute need for reconstruction of learning through observation or renewing the complete way to teach and promote through active experiences, if we wish to better prepare and support the mom’s who chooses to ‘try’.


We need to unite the services being offered, and stop putting a price that is not always attainable to what is essential for better experiences, as giving birth is a unique way for women, to become a new being themselves. As long as we don’t pay women to be moms, the most important job there could be, we shouldn’t ask them to pay for the other services provided to them, in society. No?


My vision of the future can only be achieved, if we construct a more resilient community by rethinking, redefining and reclaiming the mom’s role in our society! The same as a better future can only be achieved when we will respect the Native cultures across the world! Only when we, as a society, recognize the importance of each of its members, as a whole, will we be able to achieve a truly inclusive and harmonious way of life on Earth… Maybe only then, will we be able to achieve a more balanced life, with respect to Nature, and all its life forms… Managing and controlling societies, by only permitting rights to certain people, can guaranty anyone who tries with failure! Therefore, it is time, that we reconsider and reclaim the Mom’s job, as a necessity for equality, whoever it is, that ends up doing it! Dad’s are welcomed, to do the Mom Job too… (Actually, when fathers will get an equal chance at giving The Mom Job a go, maybe then, will parents finally get paid for it… What do you think?)


Imagine a world where each family is paid for investing time and positive energy, in raising the next generation of kids, that will eventually become, the next generation of engaged adults. Maybe we would see a re-equilibrium of the experiences currently faced in poverty, mental health, physical health-disease prevention and financial stability! Maybe, just maybe, it would have an effect on everyone!


Imagine when everyone who actually contributes to the GDP, are not invisible, but rather recognized, and cherished, as an active member of society, rather than feeling isolated and lesser than the neighbour… Imagine, if one of the first fight of the feminists, women being paid for being mothers, would have been won, a few decades ago… Would our ‘modern’ societies be facing the crisis they are having to deal with today?

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